Someone asked me how I felt about entering my 40's tomorrow. Well let's see... I like the number 40. I like how it sounds. I love how my friends in their 40's look better than they did in their 20's and 30's. I hated my 30's. Not that it was all bad. I took my first big trip on an airplane and got to share that with my mom. I bought my first home and my first car all on my own. I also got my first dog who is my best friend these days. I have also worked my entire 30's at the same job as a social worker and I still like it. I also finally got, not just one, but two great nieces! And my best friend had a little girl who I also adore. Two of my sisters got married and I got my photography certificate.
I won't miss the later part of my 30's. They were the most life altering changes namely losing my mom and almost dying in the hospital when I had my pressure sore. I've spent too much time in the hospital for serious things. Losing my mom was by far the most difficult thing and then not dealing with it well didn't help matters. I felt very alone. My sisters and dad tried to help in their own way but they all had their own families and lives and sometimes I just felt like I was more in the way or more of an obligation. I'm sure they would all disagree but I can't help how I feel.
What am I looking forward to in my 40's? Well it's another year closer to death! Oh that's terrible, seriously it's a mystery. I know what I hope to happen. I hope to go to Vegas with my sister and if that doesn't happen (as she has people to go with) then maybe a friend. I've signed up for Sledge hockey in June so that will be fun. I hope to get more active and maybe lose some weight along the way. I'd also love to take a photography road trip down the Oregon Coast to San Diego and thru Death Valley. I would love to go horseback riding and join basketball. Perhaps i'll look at getting my Masters if i can justify it with a career change. Beyond that I'm really not sure. I just have to believe a lot of good things will happen that will make my 40's the best decade to date! 
Well I'm glad to hear your 30's were not all bad, but like every decade, there is always going to be the good with the not so good. Some experiences are inevitable, like the loss of those we love, and we all deal with those losses differently. And we all feel alone at times, no matter how many people we may have in our lives. But I think we all have to go through the bad, along with the good, to shape who we become and to make us stronger. As far as feeling like you at times felt that you "were more in the way or more of an obligation", like you say you can't help the way you feel no matter how much I or anyone may disagree. Your feelings are your feelings, I know because I certainly have gone through enough of the same ones myself at times. Anyway, I hope the new decade you've entered holds many positive experiences for you, whether you create them on your own, or they are shared with others. Life is part destiny and alot of what you make it. So make it good:)
ReplyDeleteI'm going to do my best to make them good!
ReplyDeleteI love how you expressed your 30's! I believe that your 40's are definitely starting out better. You are more self-aware, you are taking time to discover new interests, you are taking time to look inside and see what you love or don't love, and change if you need to. I'm so proud of who you are and that you are becoming someone that YOU want!
ReplyDeleteI pray you will follow your dreams, go to Vegas, get your Masters, change careers, whatever it is that YOU want to do!
thanks for always encouraging me and being honest:)
Love you and hope the first day of your 40th year was awesome!
xoxo