I've been trying to do a lot of soul searching.. trying to figure things out.. trying to understand why certain things happen and why other things don't happen. I've had no answers. I'm not some freaky Christian who goes around blessing people or telling people to look to God for answers or anything like that. I have my beliefs and I choose to keep most of them private.. partly because I'm embarrassed and partly because I don't want people to think I'm weird. I really only have one person I feel comfortable talking to about faith but I fear that sometimes I frustrate her because I have so many questions. I always have. I'm not someone who can just take one person's word as "the gospel". Everyone has a different interpretation of the bible. Everyone has a different interpretation of what a "Christian" is supposed to act like, talk like, think like.. and I don't fit into anyone's "ideal" of a Christian.
I don't believe people should hide behind God, meaning that they shouldn't use Him as their rational for the situation they created for themselves. It was not God's intention for someone to use drugs or alcohol. I believe prayer can work but that you also have to rely on the talents of man to fix what is broken. If your child is dying because they need a blood transfusion.. God isn't going to go POOF, you are healed.. he gave doctors talents to help heal the sick. Use your brain people!!
I blame God for all sorts of things. I blame him for abuse I suffered as a child. I blame Him for taking my parents away before I was ready to lose them. I blame Him for me being in a wheelchair.. but what purpose is that serving other than making me feel miserable? Nothing, that's what. I'm only human.. and I need forgiveness as much as anyone else.
There's this app that seemed to appear on my Facebook page called "Message from God".. I've been reading them for three days now.. here are the messages I've had so far:
Day one - On this day, God wants you to know
... that you are perfect as you are. God doesn't create faulty life. No. Everything created by God is perfect, and so are you. So stop driving yourself mad with endless ways to improve, and just accept the glory of your being as is...
Day two - On this day, God wants you to know
... that tonight you can turn your worries to God, and have a good night's sleep. You've been worrying too much about the future lately. So tonight, go ahead, put your faith in God, and just have a peaceful evening and a restful sleep...
and Day three - On this day, God wants you to know
... that it's time you let go. Yes, of course, you want to control so everything happens in just the way you want it. But at the end of the day, we control nothing, - it's all in God's hands, - has always been, and will always be. So, do what you can, and then let go, and let God handle the rest...
Now these won't mean anything to anyone but me.. but each message has come exactly at the time I needed to hear them. I'm perfect as I am (really hard to believe). Have faith in God (easier said than done). I control nothing.. ew.. that one stings!!
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