Life

What is the purpose of your life? Being a good wife? Mother? Grandmother? Aunt? Daughter?

What defines you? Your job? Your hobby? The role you take in your family?

How do you know if you're good at something? Does someone tell you or do you just know?

Who do you turn to when you need somebody? Your mom, dad, sibling, spouse, child, friend, God?

Imagine if you will, there is no purpose in your life. Nothing defines you. You don't know if you are good at something. And you have no one to turn to when you are in need. Can you imagine it? Close your eyes.. take just a moment.. can you feel the loneliness? The isolation? The emptiness?

Its not something that most people can imagine because they have never, thank God, had to.

Now, imagine being a wife and a mother. You are successful in your job and you have some close friends you can turn to when you need to. But wait.. there is still loneliness, isolation and emptiness.. it doesn't matter how many people you have in your life.. it doesn't matter how successful you are in your life... nothing matters except for the way you interpret life.

Are you happy? Are you joyful? What makes you happy? Hot tea, clean sheets, a snuggle with my dog and the smell of the rain after the grass is cut makes me happy. Spending time with friends and family also makes me happy. Did you know that things that make you happy usually end up being external things? What makes you joyful? Being at peace, spiritual understanding and fulfillment, having a purpose to my life and knowing I'm loved makes me joyful.

No one wants to be unhappy. No one wants to be alone. And no one can change your situation but you. If you want to be happy and joyful and have a purpose to your life you need to open your heart and trust that life has more to offer. Even on the hardest of days, be thankful. Buy a one way ticket and get out of Pity City today.. no one is going to do it for you. No one can.

Christmas Time

Christmas is fast approaching and I can't believe it!! This time a year ago I was in rehab for rotator cuff surgeru and just two weeks ago I had carpal tunnel surgery.. luckily it was only day surgery and I'm at home.. I wonder when a time will come when I won't have any more medical stuff to deal with.. well.. out of the ordinary anyway.

I'm use to have my Christmas shopping done by this time of year.. actually, I was usually done by the middle of November but alas, I am dragging my heals this year. Thank goodness for online shopping! I hate having to battle the parking lots at the mall.. I swear, those are worse than actually going into the mall.. but.. online shopping.. no parking lots, no line-ups, no crowds, no screaming children... and some of the sites even have gift wrapping!

However.. the downside to online shopping is its hard to get into the season.. in a way I am missing the Christmas music in the stores and people in good cheer and Christmas decorations. I've downloaded some Christmas songs and will watch, It's a Wonderful Life with James Stewart.. that's sure to put me in the Christmas spirit!

The thing is, Christmas isn't about the shopping or the presents or the music or the television programs.. for me, it's about the birth of Christ and all that He has done in my life that I have to be thankful for. I forget sometimes to stop and be thankful.. not just for all the good in my life but also for the pain and life lessons I've had to endure.. oh sure I wish I could just wake up one day and have my life be perfect.. but how would I know what that is without living thru the imperfect life I have?

Thank you Lord for giving me the life you have. For teaching me the lessons I need to learn and placing challenges in my path so I can learn those lessons. Amen.

Victoria Fun

I love Victoria, always have, always will. I grew up there. It's my home away from home but it's so different now. Nothing is the same. My dream would be to have a bridge to get on and off the rock though. I can't live there... at least not right now.... but my heart gets pulled every time I go over there. I love seeing my sisters, nephews, nieces and friends. I also love seeing my dad but it so hard going there and not seeing my mom. You'd think I would have gotten over it by now, but I haven't. It's just not the same.

I went over for Thanksgiving and although I had a great time spending it at my sisters and having most of my family there, missing was my dad and my sister Sandra. It's not like Sandi came over all the time, usually it was only on labour day weekend and Christmas, but still, there was an absence. It was also really disappointing not having my dad there. He wouldn't go because his new wife is sick, she's been sick ever since she came into the picture and he's changed... as much as I know he loves me, it feels like he chooses her over me all the time which makes me feel guilty because it's not a contest... but I still feel like I've lost something.

It's hard going back to the home I spent my teen years in with my mom and dad only to have some stranger move in and try to take her place. She uses items my mom made and talks like she's lived there forever when in fact she has never contributed anything to that home or the things in it. I want my dad to be happy but he's not, he's just a glorified caretaker.. at least that's what it feels like to me. So, when I go over there I stay with him but spend as little time in the house as possible when he isn't there.

It's not so bad though because I've been able to spend a lot more time with my sisters than I ever did growing up and I love that. This visit I even got to spend it with Kelly and his girlfriend taking pictures of their horses. Jen, Mark and Panda came over and although the intention was for Panda to go for a ride, she preferred feeding the horses carrots and playing with the cat.

I can't believe how grown up Raeya has gotten! She ran the kids marathon again this year, three years old and loving it! She's so sweet and loving and smart as a whip! She takes after her father and uncles in the technology department. She loves reading the books and playing the puzzles I have on my iPad but is just as content playing with her toys and making up games. So innocent!