It was a long five months but I'm finally home again. After having a rotator cuff repair at UBC hospital I went to GF Strong for three months. It was probably one of the worst experiences of my life for the first month and a half and then, it was one of the best for the last month and a half! When I first got there I was triggered by many different things and was forced to face a few things head on, which is not something I had planned on doing. The more I tried to focus on rehabilitating my shoulder, the more distant and isolated I became. I almost missed out on some amazing new friendships.
I've always been so scared of what people think or say about me. Like it should make a difference on how I live my life. I worry that people will think I'm weird or weak or different. So what if I am? What if I do show emotion once in a while? Will the world end? Hell no! The world will continue on whether I'm in it or not. Whether someone sees me cry or wear pj's during the day. It will even continue if I give up my defences and join wheelchair sports. I have to laugh to myself because anyone who truly knows me, knows that I don't associate with people in wheelchairs let alone participate in an activity involving wheelchairs. But the desire is there to tear down that wall.. or at least open the window.
While at GF I was exposed to Basketball, handball, tennis, curling, swimming, target shooting and using a Floor Board which is the equivalent of a Wii fit board. It hasn't been easy getting involved but once I tried things, I found out I really enjoyed it.. even if I did feel stupid at times. It was the same as when I started to let my guard down and let people in. I met some amazing people with some truly amazing stories! Like the woman who lost control of her car and went down a steep embankment only to be rescued by an off-duty fireman minutes before her car blew up!! Or the man who was riding his bike to work, hit a rock, fell over his handlebars and is now a quadrapelegic but never stops working hard at his rehab. Its so true that there is always someone out there worse off than you are and that you are in control of your own destiny.
If there is one thing I became more aware of, it's that I am the only one who gets to decide if I'm happy or not and if I continue worrying what people think of me, then it will only hold me back. And if there is one thing I know for sure, its that anyone who cares about me will support me while I try out a new way of living.