Friday, March 25, 2011

I love hugs.

I hate death.
I hate sickness.
I hate drugs.
I hate what drugs do to people.
I hate what alcohol does to some people.
I hate gangs.
I hate being scared.
I hate people who hurt children.
I hate war.
I hate prejudice.
I hate the cold.
I hate when people talk behind my back.
I hate feeling alone.
I hate clutter.
I hate thunder storms.
I hate walking thru spider webs.
I hate diets.
I hate debt.
I hate having wet hair touch my skin.
I hate losing control.
I hate not being in control.
I hate broccoli.
I hate to believe someone won’t go to heaven.
I hate fighting with friends.
I hate feeling grumpy.
I hate loss.

I love the smell of grass after it rains.
I love getting hugs.
I love my dog.
I love animals.
I love chocolate anything.
I love photography.
I love hot chocolate on a cold day.
I love laughing.
I love walks in the woods.
I love the smell of warm cookies.
I love going to movies.
I love sitting by the ocean on a windy day.
I love Jesus.
I love San Diego.
I love talking about food.
I love eating food.
I love pillow fights.
I love giving zurberts to babies bare bellies.
I love bubble baths.
I love playing games.
I love tea.
I love being included.
I love being needed, but not too much.
I love learning.
I love to love.

Sunday, March 06, 2011

Time to unpack..

Wow, two entries in a row.. that's a record for me. I find that if I can put a bit of what is going on in my head, down on paper.. it frees up some room for new stuff.. if that makes any sense at all.

As I said yesterday.. I am in a period of transition and my mind is spinning about it! If you know anything about pressure sores you'll know that they can either start on the surface and get deeper or they can start deep and work themselves to the surface. The ones that start on the surface can have bandages applied to it, maybe some ointments but to get rid of it you need to relieve the pressure. For the wounds that start on the inside and work their way out, they are much more complicated and need much more attention in order for them to heal properly.

Baggage is similar to a pressure sore. You have your surface sores that you can band aid but to heal them faster is to take away the pressure.. you can normally deal with that baggage on your own or talking with a friend to help relieve the pressure. But what do you do with the baggage that has been storing up for years and is preventing new items from being experienced?

This is when you need to be kind to yourself and allow yourself the time to sort thru the baggage. It helps to have the support of your family and friends  but sometimes it's like a messy house, where do you begin? The last thing you want is to be judged for having human feelings and emotions, especially when you aren't the kind of person to share those with other people. But in order to get rid of all that baggage, you need to unpack it, box by box and find new ways to categorize it. You may keep some of it and you may take some of it to the dump, but you can't ignore it.

One thing I see people do is unpack it and then pack it right back up and keep it. That's when you aren't just considered a messy housekeeper, you are now a hoarder and with most hoarder's, they need help to unload the boxes.

This is where my transition begins.. time to unpack some boxes!

It's not going to be easy and it won't be done overnight. That's where two words come to mind.. patience and tolerance.. not just for others but also for myself.

"We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves" - Dali Lama

Saturday, March 05, 2011

Changing seasons..

It's coming to that time of year again when the season changes from winter to spring. Oh how I love the spring! I love how the old dead looking branches are budding with new life. I love how the wild animals are beginning to start or expand their families. And I love how the dull earth is transformed with new growth!

It's also a transition period for me personally. I read this amazing blog that my dear friend S-A sent to me this morning and I couldn't believe how much of it was like she was reading my mind!!

She talked about feeling one way one day and then feeling the total opposite the next.. to the point of sounding like a hypocrite but not meaning to. As a small example for her, she loves her home to be clean and will go weeks with being a clean freak, then all of a sudden, it's like she doesn't care.. or she'll go months eating well and then go an entire season eating only junk food.. I can totally relate!

I get BIG aspirations.. (luckily most of which I don't share with people) and then never follow thru with them. For me, it's like something holds me back and I've narrowed it down to fear.. fear of success and fear of failing. If I succeed how will others see me? If I fail, how will others see me? It's like I'm playing tug-of-war but I'm at both ends! I can apply it to the simplest of thought patterns such as "do I call so-and-so today?".. if I call will they want to hear from me or will they just tolerate my call? Foolish thinking I know.. but it stops me dead in my tracks to connect with people.

It's a funny thing, how your mind can prevent you from being who you want to be or even who you know you are. Is it possible to be completely honest with yourself or does everyone fake it from time to time?

I'm looking forward to the transformations that are coming and hope they bring insight, wisdom and peace into my heart and into my life.