Saturday, March 05, 2011

Changing seasons..

It's coming to that time of year again when the season changes from winter to spring. Oh how I love the spring! I love how the old dead looking branches are budding with new life. I love how the wild animals are beginning to start or expand their families. And I love how the dull earth is transformed with new growth!

It's also a transition period for me personally. I read this amazing blog that my dear friend S-A sent to me this morning and I couldn't believe how much of it was like she was reading my mind!!

She talked about feeling one way one day and then feeling the total opposite the next.. to the point of sounding like a hypocrite but not meaning to. As a small example for her, she loves her home to be clean and will go weeks with being a clean freak, then all of a sudden, it's like she doesn't care.. or she'll go months eating well and then go an entire season eating only junk food.. I can totally relate!

I get BIG aspirations.. (luckily most of which I don't share with people) and then never follow thru with them. For me, it's like something holds me back and I've narrowed it down to fear.. fear of success and fear of failing. If I succeed how will others see me? If I fail, how will others see me? It's like I'm playing tug-of-war but I'm at both ends! I can apply it to the simplest of thought patterns such as "do I call so-and-so today?".. if I call will they want to hear from me or will they just tolerate my call? Foolish thinking I know.. but it stops me dead in my tracks to connect with people.

It's a funny thing, how your mind can prevent you from being who you want to be or even who you know you are. Is it possible to be completely honest with yourself or does everyone fake it from time to time?

I'm looking forward to the transformations that are coming and hope they bring insight, wisdom and peace into my heart and into my life.


  1. Hey sis- I hear you loud and clear. I struggle with the same conflicting feelings. Know that you are not alone.

  2. Don't worry Tara, you are not alone at all. I think most of us can relate to what you are saying and believe me I have done my fair share of having big aspirations and then having them end up being just that and nothing more. For me though it's more about failing myself not so much about how others will see me. I figure the ones that care about me will care no matter what, the only one I'm letting down is myself. So don't allow that to hold you back from doing things you want to do, just start small, and allow yourself to fail once in awhile. Don't sweat the small stuff:)