I love Victoria, always have, always will. I grew up there. It's my home away from home but it's so different now. Nothing is the same. My dream would be to have a bridge to get on and off the rock though. I can't live there... at least not right now.... but my heart gets pulled every time I go over there. I love seeing my sisters, nephews, nieces and friends. I also love seeing my dad but it so hard going there and not seeing my mom. You'd think I would have gotten over it by now, but I haven't. It's just not the same.
I went over for Thanksgiving and although I had a great time spending it at my sisters and having most of my family there, missing was my dad and my sister Sandra. It's not like Sandi came over all the time, usually it was only on labour day weekend and Christmas, but still, there was an absence. It was also really disappointing not having my dad there. He wouldn't go because his new wife is sick, she's been sick ever since she came into the picture and he's changed... as much as I know he loves me, it feels like he chooses her over me all the time which makes me feel guilty because it's not a contest... but I still feel like I've lost something.
It's hard going back to the home I spent my teen years in with my mom and dad only to have some stranger move in and try to take her place. She uses items my mom made and talks like she's lived there forever when in fact she has never contributed anything to that home or the things in it. I want my dad to be happy but he's not, he's just a glorified caretaker.. at least that's what it feels like to me. So, when I go over there I stay with him but spend as little time in the house as possible when he isn't there.
It's not so bad though because I've been able to spend a lot more time with my sisters than I ever did growing up and I love that. This visit I even got to spend it with Kelly and his girlfriend taking pictures of their horses. Jen, Mark and Panda came over and although the intention was for Panda to go for a ride, she preferred feeding the horses carrots and playing with the cat.
I can't believe how grown up Raeya has gotten! She ran the kids marathon again this year, three years old and loving it! She's so sweet and loving and smart as a whip! She takes after her father and uncles in the technology department. She loves reading the books and playing the puzzles I have on my iPad but is just as content playing with her toys and making up games. So innocent!